Paul absolutely loved the garden, the soil, the working in it, growing in it and being with it. Our best time together was when we were in the garden together, in the quiet powerful beauty of it all, together. It was a real safe haven for us. These days it is complicated and painful and with the new limitations even moreso. So much of what has happened since Paul died in regards to how some have treated me is their very concerned notion that I am not able to make our farm successful. Blue Star was never intended to be run with one person but I have become the figure head it is measured by. Many have measured me by my worst moments in grief and some wont even let me try but many many more have dared to believe in me and the horses and the possibilities this work and mission offers…they are the wind in my sail and I will spend my life doing my best to make them proud. I may never be able to connect to the land as I did not too long ago, on this farm, but I will always connect to the spirit that lives here and the place that Paul exited this world in. That grand old tree in the garden will always live in my heart.