Paul in the garden, in the spot where he took his life. I will always wonder in this lifetime how much he thought bout that fateful act that blew up the world as I knew it. He never gave me any clue I could read, or did he and I was too unconscious to see it. I will spend my life with some of these agonizing questions. My own self doubt was so magnified for so long. I am only now beginning to have confidence in myself again and that I give credit to the horses and humans in my life who keep reminding me that I am ok, however I am in the moment, I am ok and I am worthy of a good and happy life, even if I don’t always feel it.